Hva du Skal Gjøre Når Du Føler for å Gi Opp På Kjærlighet

Oppdatert Mars 10, 2020

Medisinsk Vurdert Av: Karen Devlin, LPC

Dette nettstedet eies og drives av BetterHelp, som mottar alle avgifter knyttet til plattformen.

Source:rawpixel.com

Itiscertainlyanunderstandablereaction.,Yougothroughrelationshipafterrelationship,thinkingforsurethat,thistime,thisoneisTheOne.Butnope-youcatchhimcheatingonyou,oryourealizeyou’vefallenoutoflovewithher.Du’rethedumper,thenthedumpee.Isrealloveevenpossible?

Atthispoint,youmaythrowupyourhandsandshout»som’sit,Igiveuponlove!»,Butyouareunfairtoyourself.Youmaywanttotakeabreakfromloveforalittlewhile,butyoudenyyourselfalifetimeofhappinessbyclosingthedooronlove.

BlamingYourself

Alotofpeopleblamethemselvesfortheirlovelivesgoingawry.Maybeit’sme,theythink.MaybeI’mjustnotlovable.,MaybeI’msoannoying,ormyinterestsaresouncommon,thatIwillneverfindsomeonewhocanbetrulycompatiblewithme.Butthisisaloadofmalarkey.

Thereissomeoneoutthereforeachofusifonlywecankeepthefaith,bepatient,andbediligentinoursearchandnotcompromiseourvalues.Becauselet’sfaceit,ifyoucompromiseyourvalues,youcannevertrulybehappyanyway.

Everyoneisvaluable,andeveryoneisworthyoflove.It’simportanttorememberthatbecauseifwebelievewearenotvaluable,thenwestartactinglikewearenotvaluable,andthenitbecomesaself-fullingprophecy.Whowantstospendtimedevelopingarelationshipwithacurmudgeon?,Thehappieryouarewithyourlifeandyourself,themorelikelysomeoneworthywillcomealongwhowantstosharethosehappyexperienceswithyou.

Youmaywanttomakealistofallofthethingsthataregoodaboutyourselfthatyoucouldalsooffertoanotherperson.Youcanalsomakealistofallofthevaluesyouarelookingforinapartner,attheveryleastasaremindernottocompromiseonthosevalues.Youmayalsowanttoconsiderseekingcounselingtohelpyouovercomepessimisticthinkingsothatyoucanbethebestpossibleversionofyourselfthatyoucanbe.,

Seriøst…StopLooking

Itmaysoundlikeacliché,butit’sthetruth:youtrulydofindtruelovewhenyoustoplookingforit.Whenyou’redesperateforlove,peoplecanjustsmellitonyou.Ifyouinvolveyourselfinanewhobby,takeanewclass,orimmerseyourselfinanewsocialcircle,youaretakingcareofyourself,tendingtoyourownneeds,andyouareshowingtheworldthatyoudon’tneedamatetofeelwhole.

Source:rawpixel.com

Ifamatecomesalongthat’sperfectforyou,thenthat’sgreat,butifnot,thenyou’reembracingthesinglelifeandshowingtheworldthatyou’redoingjustfineonyourown.,Andit’snotlikeyou’llbetryingtoproveanythingtoanyone-you’llhonestlybehavingfunwithnewpeopleandlearningnewthings.Soyoutrulyareoccupiedandfillingyourlifeupwithlovelythingssothatwhentherightpartnercomesalong,you’llhaveplentyofgoodthingstosharewiththem.

Somethingelseimportanttorememberisthatthingsoftendonotturnoutthewayweexpectthemto.Wemaydatesomeoneandhavetheromancefizzleout,onlyforthatpersontoturnintooneofthebestfriendswe’veeverhad.Orwemayrealizethattheperfectpartnerwe’vebeenlookingforthisentiretimewasourbestfriendindisguise.,

KillTheTimeline

Manyofussetgoalsforourselves,likewehavetobemarriedby25,haveallofourchildrenby30,andbesettledinourcareersbythetimewe’re35.Butthetruthofthematteris,peoplearedoingthesethingslaterandlaterinlife,andthey’rehappierforit.

Morewomenaresettinguptheircareersbeforetheysettledown,leadingtohavingtheirfirstchildrenwellintotheirthirtiesandevenintotheirforties.Andyoucangetmarriedwhenever.It’snotarace,andthingsaren’tliketheyusedtobe.,Societyhasbecomemoreacceptingofcouplesmarryingaftertheyhavechildren,andyourbosswillprobablyloveyoufordevotingmoreofyourchildbearingyearstodevelopinghisbusiness.

Butseriously,ikke’trushthings.Rushingthingscanlandyouinarelationshipthatmayseem»goodenough»atfirstbutturnsouttobeanightmareintheend.Holdoutforsomethinggood,notjust»goodenough.»Itmaytakelongertoobtain,butyou’llbetentimeshappierandproudofyourselfforwaitingandfornotcompromisingyourvalues.Itsurebeatsrealizingfiveyearsfromnowthatyou’resaddledwithtwokidsanddependentonahusbandwhodoesn’tloveyouasmuchasyoumaylovehim.,

Thelastthingyouwanttodoishavetostaytogether»forthekids.»Holdoutforsomeonewholovesyou.Heorsheisoutthere.

LearnToEnjoyTheRide

Onethingaboutsearchingforanewmateisthatit’sneverawasteoftime.Attheveryleast,youcancollectstoriestoturnintoanecdoteslateron.Andwhodoesn’tloveagooddatingnightmarestory?Sikker,itmaybeterribleatthemoment(howmanytimescanaguybringuphismotherinonenight?),butifitgivesyousomethingtolaughatlateron,thenitmadeeverythingworthit.

Source:pexels.com

Onamoreseriousnote,ifwegooutwithsomeonenew,andtheyrejectus,thenwecanatleastgainexperienceandstrengthfromtheencounterthatwecanthenbringtoanothernewrelationship.Plus,youcancongratulateyourselfforbeingbraveenoughtotakethatfirststepingoingoutandtryingsomethingnew.Itcanbescaryandintimidatingtomeetnewpeople,butgettingyourselfoutthereishalfthebattle.Theonethingitneveris?Awasteoftime.,

Du’reNeverAlone

Youknowhowyou’refeelingrightnowlikethere’snooneouttherethat’srightforyou,andthereneverwillbe?Guesswhat-yoursoulmatemightbeoutthererightnow,thinkingthesamething.Maybeshejustgotjiltedbyyetanotherlover,andshe’sthinkingofwashingherhandsofthewholedatingbusiness.Butifshedoesthat,thenshe’llnevermeetyou.

Pokker,itdoesn’tevenhavetobeyourfuturelove.Therearethousandsofpeople,atanygivenmoment,whoarecopingwithabreakupanddecidingwhetherornottogiveuploveforever.,Sogoahead,haveanotherhelping(orpint)ofyourfavoriteicecream,cryoveryourfavoriteromanticcomedy,throwbackanotherpintatthepub,dowhateveryouneedtodotofeelbetteratthemomentandrevelinthefactthatyouaremostdefinitelynotalone.

SecondThoughts

Thisisgoingtobesad,buthey,youneedtoknoweveryaspectofadecisionbeforeyoumakeit,andthisone’simportant.Youmaydecidenow,whileyou’reyoung,thatyou’redone.Som’sit.Du’regivinguponlove,andyoucan’tbeconvincedotherwise.Butthenthemonthsandyearsgobyand,beforeyouknowit,youmaybepastyourchild-bearingyearsandintoademographicthatfindsitmuchhardertomeetsomeonenew.,

Granted,therewillalwaysbethefailedrelationshiporthespousewhopassedawaythatmakesinglesavailableineverydemographic.Butitbecomesalothardertofindsomeonewhoisn’tmarried,settleddownwithchildren,orhavingdifficultylettinggoofthebaggagefrompastrelationshipssothatheorshecanmoveonwithsomeonenew.

Thisisnottosaythatyouhavetosettleforanyonewhocomesalongsimply,soyoudon’tendupoldandalone.,Butthisistosaythatbytakingyourselfoutofthedatingpoolforawhile,monthscanbecomeyearsfasterthanyouthink,andwhenyou’reolder,youmayfindyourselfgenuinelyregrettingthedecisionyoumadewhenyouwereyounger-andthenit’stoolatetodoanythingaboutit.

Source:pexels.com

Morethananything,givinguponlovecanjustleadtoyourbecominglonely,andwhyletallofyourexeswinthatbattle?Youshouldfightforyourhappinessbecausedammit,youdeserveit-especiallyafterkissingsomanytoads.Statisticssaythatyouwillfindthatprinceeventually,evenifyouhavetokissafewmoretoadsfirst.,

Peopleneedpeople,andinavarietyofways.Mostofushavefriendsandfamilytoturnto,butwealsoneedtheemotionalconnectionthatcomeswithromanticloveaswell.Itmaynothappenrightawayasitdoesinthemovies,butit’ssomuchbetterwhenitdoesn’t.Becausethat’swhenyoufindtruequality.